Having a funeral at home
People choose home funerals for emotional, economic and/or environmental reasons. This time can be as public or private as desired. Remember there is always the additional possibility of a future memorial service (that is, without the body laid out).
In Massachusetts as well as in 44 other states, family and friends are legally allowed to provide all of the after-death care. (Our friends in CT would like us to clearly state that home funerals do occur there, though funeral director assistance is required.)
Listed in other sections below are organizations that offer resource guides (often free and downloadable) that have helped many home funerals occur without any other assistance. You can contact Mourning Dove Studio for more information, of course, and we have a number of books on the topic.
In Massachusetts (and other states), people serving as home funeral guides are also available to provide education and emotional support for the process of caring for a loved one at home after death. A link to a national directory of home funeral guides can be found in the following section. Funeral directors are able to help facilitate a home funeral, and you can request assistance with specific tasks only, for example, with filing paperwork. The FCA link above can help you identify funeral directors for this, and many others would be willing to help if asked.
Understandably, there are state-specific laws and regulations which must be followed. For Massachusetts, you can follow the link below to read the regulations straight from the Massachusetts Department of Public Health website.
Taking care of your loved one after their death offers the opportunity to grieve this loss at your own pace and in a variety of ways. It has been described by Lisa Carlson as "your final act of love" and reminds me of having heard a Rabbi describe the physical act of shoveling dirt at a graveside as "the final thing we can do for our loved one". For the survivors, being with the dead at home allows time and space for emotions to ebb and flow in a natural way. It can help with the slow process of coming to terms with a death, which is always momentous, even when expected. The term "instrumental griever" may be used to describe someone who mourns through physical actions. Home funeral advocates remind us that these expressions of grief and love are possible for all of us.
Home Funeral Directory
The Funeral Consumers Alliance
The FCA is a national advocacy and educational organization with local chapters. In Massachusetts we are very fortunate to have two knowledgeable and active chapters in eastern and western Mass. Both local websites offer unique and valuable information such as a funeral director survey about services offered, with specific questions on green burial options. You will find links to state regulations and information about many pertinent issues.
We also highly recommend the Before I Go, You Should Know" planning guide, available from the FCA national headquarters at www.funerals.org.
CROSSINGS - home funeral information
Crossings is one of the very first nonprofit organizations that has worked to increase awareness of this option after the founder, Beth Knox, experienced the sudden death of her daughter. They offer a free resource guide to support families and friends in carrying out a home funeral on their own, and Beth will come to your local area to facilitate a group training workshop. Her empowering, practical, and compassionate expertise includes the advice to "let love lead" - truly words to live by, as well.
Final Passages
Following a friend's death and home funeral in 1994 and based in California, Jerrigrace Lyons has been involved with over 150 funerals and also offers training workshops.
Undertaken With Love
In addition to information and an overview, a self-description of their resource guide follows below. You can download the guide for free, or link through their site to buy a printed copy from Amazon for $15.
Undertaken With Love is a manual and study guide written by a group of home funeral advocates across America for:
-Congregational committees that form to support home funerals for their members
-Pastors and other spiritual leaders contemplating a home funeral ministry
-Death education and counseling practitioners
-Secular social groups that form to support home funerals for their members
-Families themselves
Blue Light Coffins
Denise Baxter has created beautiful pieces in North Scituate, Rhode Island for a number of years. She greeted us as kindred spirits, rejoicing in the expansion of options for people, and helping to mentor us. Her integrity and grace radiate from all of her work, including her lovely coffins.
Bury Me Naturally
This link takes you to a thoughtful article featuring green burial information and the experiences of a company called Bury Me Naturally (as well as 2 other companies also based in Ashland, North Carolina). You can link to the companies through this article.
Here at the studio we have both this cardboard coffin (tapered at head and feet) and a cardboard casket (rectangular shaped) with a beveled top, from Bury Me Naturally. (You can buy direct from this company, but you will also pay the shipping costs). Both are perfect for a very artistic, personal way to keep the focus on honoring our loved ones, while not shying away from the economic and environmental issues involved.
Natural Burial Company
Cynthia Beal imports a number of our products. She's also an eloquent writer, and you can find a synopsis of her upcoming book, Be A Tree, on her website.
funeral planning resources
This is a listing of local businesses and information for Boston area funerals as well as links for planning a funeral in specific other cities. The website includes sections of poetry and other resources.
Casket making workshops
Weekend workshops in Andover, CT, give participants a chance to build a simple, elegant pine casket under the guidance of master carpenter Carlo Adinolfi. The pine is strong, light and allows for easy carving and painting for those who wish to add personal touches. The design will allow it to double as a bookcase until it is needed as a resting place. No carpentry experience is required; just the desire to watch, learn and implement. Workshops are limited to 5 participants. $425 ($100 additional if using hardwood)
